Last week my sweet baby turned one. He is a legit walking, talking (okay mostly babbling) little human being. A little human being who has amazed me, challenged me, and taught me more about life and love in the last year than I could have imagined possible.
Motherhood is way more than I thought it would be. It's all encompassing and it's full of surprises. It's exhausting, its thankless at times and it's FULL of rewards. In the last year I have experienced every emotion the human soul can, I've done things I didn't think I was capable of doing, I've felt like a superhero and I've been sure I was a failure. There are no parameters to motherhood, no hard and fast rules, and no way to be prepared for most of it. Motherhood is SO many things.
It's seeing the adoration in his bright little eyes when he looks at you like you are the only thing in his world.
It's eating bites of food off his highchair tray in between sips of re-heated coffee for breakfast. And sometimes lunch. And sometimes dinner.
It's a top knot and sweatpants. And probably food / milk / puke on your shirt.
It's turning absolutely anything you say into a song to calm the crying. Or whining. Or both.
It's waking up at 12am. And 3am. And 5am. Its learning to power through on broken, interrupted sleep.
It's seeing him take his first steps and cheering and clapping, and then bursting into tears.
It's struggling to accept that your body is forever changed. It's leaning into and celebrating the change.
It's being out for a much needed drink with your friends and praying the text that just came through says "He's fast asleep!" instead of "When can he have advil...?" #teethingmonster
It's wanting a break SO BAD and then missing him when you get it.
It's watching him sleep and listening to him breathe instead of looking at your to do list.
It's forgetting if you've done something/ bought something / called someone back.... seriously I can't remember shit... #imsotired
It's being exhausted and emotional and still being expected to be all of the things to all of the people.
It's learning to sleep sitting up with him on you, or beside you, or between you, because getting him to sleep trumps where he sleeps that night.
It's the feeling you get when he only wants his mama.
It's playing peekaboo through the shower curtain so you can wash your damn hair (but probably not blow dry it).
It's missing out on plans, and parties and spur of the moment things. And being totally okay with it (like 95% of the time).
It's asking for help. Because it really does take a village. And sometimes the village is family and friends.... and sometimes it is the Superstore click and collect and a Starbucks drive through #allofthecoffee.
It's your heart bursting and breaking at the same time. With love, and awe, and wistfulness at the time going by way too quickly.
It's a 24 hour a day gig. And it's the best gig I've ever had.